Profiles from Jewish Marriage

What to do and know when visiting my boyfriend’s Jewish family?

You’ve been together for some time. Now, your relationship has reached a point where you both want to take things a little more seriously. Part of that, perhaps, is introducing your selves to each other’s family. Anxious? Don’t be. Here are some things to keep in mind when you make that visit.

If you are going on a holiday like Yom Kippur, Chanukkah, or Rosh Hashanah, read up on everything you can about traditions surrounding that day so you’ll have a general idea of what’s going on. His family might be offended if you don’t know at least the basics of their culture. Ask your boyfriend about what his family usually does during this holiday and if you need to bring something along or make special preparations.

Brush up on Jewish cooking. You don’t have to learn how to cook their traditional dishes, although that would help, too. Jews have their unique way of food preparation, and there are certain restrictions on their diet. It might help during dinner conversation if you have knowledge of this under your sleeve.

Bring a gift to his parents and grandparents. Ask him what sort of things they like. You don’t have to buy the most expensive stuff at the malls. You can even make them yourself if you’re good at arts and crafts. Small tokens will do if they are personalized and given in good will.

Lastly, let your boyfriend give you a background about his family – the more thorough, the better. Ask him to tell you stories about his childhood, and about each and every member of the family who will be present. This way you’ll know how to act around them when you get there, and it will be easier to strike up a conversation.

Do all of these things and for sure they’ll warm up to you in no time. The Jews are known to be kind even to gentiles, or non-Jews. Don’t be afraid to approach them. As long as they see how happy your boyfriend is with you, and that you’re relationship is strong, there’s no reason why they won’t give you their blessing.

Why do jewish men date outside of their religion?

Studies have shown that a growing number of Jewish men prefer to date, and eventually marry, outside of their religion. This is especially true of young Jewish adults. It is estimated that one out of every two Jewish men under the age of 35 tend to marry non-Jewish women. The exact reasons are as varied as the individuals themselves, but there are a few that are most often cited.

Some of the younger Jews feel restricted when told to marry inside of their religion. Thinking that there should be more to life and wanting to expand their horizons, they try to date non-Jews. They enjoy the freedom of being able to date without having to think about religious limits.

Out of curiosity and a need to grow, young Jews also think that they can learn more by interacting with people from different backgrounds than with those who are within their immediate community. They argue that it is far more enriching to share discoveries with a person so unlike them. This attitude is fostered by the atmosphere in America where diversity and multi-cultural tolerance is encouraged.

Still, for others, religion has declined in importance such that it is no longer necessary to consider it when choosing who to date or marry. For them, faith has taken a back seat in favor love, character, compatibility, values in life and shared beliefs. The choice of life partner then, for them, becomes a matter of the heart and their conscience.

Liberal Jews such as Philip Weiss, in his New York Observer column, even said that opposition to intermarriage is tantamount to being racist. They claim that to reject non-Jews makes them no better than those who have oppressed them for their religious beliefs throughout thousands of years of recorded history.

Traditionalists, on their part, voice their concerns about the dangers of intermarriage. As more Jews intermarry, less of their children get a Jewish upbringing and supplementary Jewish education. There lies the real threat of their population dwindling and the Jewish line discontinued. They are primarily fighting for the preservation of their faith and of their race.

Whatever the future holds for the Jewish race and for everyone else, one thing is certain. Dating and marriage are profoundly personal experiences. The choice as to what path should be undertaken is the choice of the individual. That being said, it is the individual Jew’s responsibility to make an informed choice by educating himself about his heritage, what it means to him, and how he would like it to influence his life.

Do Jewish men really only want to marry Jewish women?

If you’ve ever fancied a Jewish guy but thought religion made him off-limits, think again. A study of Jewish men’s marriage patterns point to something else entirely.

It was found out that the younger they are, the more likely that they’ll marry non-Jews. Of those aged 55 and older, 24 percent are intermarried. For those between 35 and 54, the number sharply increases to 37 percent. As for the youngest segment which is under 35 years of age, intermarriage is at 47 percent, or roughly one in every two young Jewish men currently married to non-Jewish women.

Jewish women’s marriage patterns vary slightly. It still shows a higher tendency of younger women to marry non-Jews compared to the older generation, but they are a little more conservative than the men. Among those who are 55 and older, 16 percent have intermarried. While for those who are between 35 and 54, the figure rises to 37 percent. This number plateaus at this point and remains the same for younger Jewish women less than 35 years of age.

The difference between intermarriage rates of Jewish men and women have varied reasons. It may be because Jewish men are more aggressive and tend to branch out in terms of friends and other affiliations. Also, since the men are traditionally the ones who work, they have more interaction with people outside the Jewish community than their female counterparts.

One of the reasons cited why people intermarry is that they want to learn and experience new things. Having a partner that comes from a different background will make them more tolerant and develop a multi-cultural view which is encouraged in American society. Their children will be able to grow having the best of both worlds and choose what they’re more comfortable with when they’re older.

Of course there are those who are not that attached to their Jewish roots, so intermarriage not so much a statement as it is nonchalance on their part. While for others, they are devout to their faith but see nothing wrong in marrying a non-Jew. For most people, marriage is a matter of being together with the person the love and nothing else.

Now, more than ever, people are empowered to make their own choices. The marriage preferences of American Jewish men are influenced by living in an open society. The most important question is not always that of religion, but of the sincerity of both people to commit themselves into the relationship.

The Jewish View of Intermarriage

In the past, it was taboo for Jews to marry into gentile (non-Jewish) families. In Deuteronomy 7:1-3 it says, “You shall not intermarry with them: do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons. For you will turn your children away from Me to worship other gods…”

Here we can see that the sensitivity towards intermarriage is a product of self-preservation for their faith, and for their race as well. Today there are 13 million Jews all over the world, most of them residing in Israel and America. This represents less than 0.25% of the global population. Anything that threatens this already small number tends to cause some alarm.

However, during the last half century, there has been an increasing trend in intermarriage as revealed by a report published by the National Jewish Population Survey. Before the 70’s intermarriage was only at 13%, but during the 70’s it rose to 28%. In the 80’s it gained even more momentum with 43% of Jews marrying gentiles. During the 90’s, it began to stabilize as 47% of American Jews in that decade were married to non-Jews.

This high rate of intermarriage, however, does not sit well for the more conservative block of the Jewish community. As fewer children are now being raised as Jews, it is seen as a threat to the very existence of the Jewish faith. One factor being blamed for this trend is the lack of supplementary Jewish education and appreciation of their heritage. Among Jews who did not receive any form of Jewish education, 43% eventually intermarry. Meanwhile, those who went to a Jewish Sunday school have a lesser tendency at 29%. Intermarriage is very low among those who attended a yeshiva or Jewish day school at 7%.

Still, for the greater part of the community, “the Jewish taboo on mixed marriages has clearly collapsed,” according to the American Jewish Committee’s Survey of American Jewish Opinion. More than half of those surveyed said that they will not mind if their children marry non-Jews, and they also agree that it is racist to oppose mixed marriages. However, a great majority still favor that a rabbi officiate in some way in these intermarriage ceremonies.

A long time ago, it was common for parents to disown and mourn their children for entering into mixed marriages. Now, attitudes have shifted more towards acceptance, but with caution to the younger Jews not to forget their rich heritage.